The Masseur in the Clown Suit

Yet again, I’m beginning a post inspired by a conversation with my boyfriend. (Perhaps I have found that mythical beast known as a Muse?)

Last night, I made the astounding discovery that my already wonderful man has a hidden talent for massage, and that he had at one point been highly interested in becoming a massage therapist if things had turned out differently. Once I came to my senses after he had used his magic on my tensed up shoulder muscles, our talk turned to how he could seriously use this talent to open up a day spa of some sort…. and I made a joke about how he could dress up in a clown suit and bring an entirely different meaning to massage “therapy”. I mean, what better way to get over your fear of clowns than by getting a massage from one?

Putting aside the clown jokes, this talk got me thinking about what I want to do with my life in the near future. There are so many things that I’ve wanted to accomplish, but I’ve always stopped short because of the fear that I couldn’t make it or because I would burn myself out trying to do it perfectly. I know I’m not the only person guilty of this, and it makes me wonder how much stuff we all could accomplish if we just believed in ourselves a bit more. I sincerely believe that mind over matter is a legitimate thing, and we all need to try to harness that power before it’s too late.

I realize we have an entire month ahead of us before we are supposed to be starting our New Year’s Resolutions, but maybe we should all try to get a head start. I’m ready to lay mine out on the table:

In the year 2015, I will face that massage therapist in a scary clown suit, and I will not talk myself down from achieving new goals. I will take the necessary steps towards bettering myself, whether it be helping others, learning new skills, or simply taking a few days to just analyze my process and be ok with how I am doing. 2015 will be my year of enlightenment, and, maybe, of becoming a full fledge adult. I am young, wild, and free, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be mature about the decisions I make towards the rest of my future.

What are some of your resolutions for the New Year?

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The Meaning of Love

How do you know if you are in love with someone?

I’ve been hurt too many times by men to let someone in so easily, but something feels right with this one. We’ve only been dating a few weeks, and anyone with common sense would know how ridiculous it would be to bring out the dreaded L-word this early in a relationship. Even so, I’ve caught myself nearly saying it several times in the past few days. My roommate even said something to me the other night, when I had slipped up while talking about him. I thought I had been sly, quickly changing my word to “like”, yet she still caught it. With her being my best friend, she had seen how different I had been since I met him (I have noticed that I’m not as stressed out about stuff lately!), and all she did was laugh and shake her head when she heard me say I loved him.

I think she would tell me if I was digging myself in too deep, right?

I don’t even know if I know what “love” is… Romantic love, anyway. With my spiritual beliefs, I have taught myself to love everyone and everything for who and what they are, but how do I differentiate between that and knowing if this is more than just infatuation? It’s scary how happy I am around him, but that’s probably because I’m so used to people letting me down that I’m half expecting him to just disappear and it will be all for nothing…

Maybe I’m thinking too much into it, and I should just go with the flow. After all, everything happens for a reason!